Transparency Monday: Control Freak

There were times, last year, when I felt like the hardships would never end. I really did feel like I had it the worst. In those times, I’d resort to crying and ask God, “why me?” “Will things ever get better?” And on that note, I would try and handle things on my own, to fit into my own plan and time frame.

I thank God for His goodness, and I can testify that He did not leave me to crash and burn. Roughly two weeks ago, as I was seeking Him, He opened up my eyes to the fact that I am a control freak; and instead of trusting Him, I trust myself & take matters into my own hands. I tend to forget that He is my Father, He knows best, and certainly wants what’s best for me. I acquiesced to that revelation because I really had been trying so hard, and yet ended up more frustrated than before. I was seated on the throne of my own heart, instead of letting Jesus take His rightful place in my life.

Following the rebuke, I have since chosen “Surrender” as my word of 2019; and I’ve received confirmation on it from various sources, one being a book I’m currently reading – It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lysa TerKeurst. Below are a few quotes that have really spoken to me so far:

“Disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home. What if that disappointment is really the exact appointment your sould needs to radically encounter God?”

“When we seek God, we see God. And if our hearts are willing to trust Him, He will entrust to us more and more of His perspective.”

“The restoration that is impossible with man’s limitations is always possible for a limitless God.”

“God doesn’t expect us to handle our situations. He wants us to hand our situations over to Him.”

“Don’t forget God’s presence in the midst of the process. There’s a purpose to the process, and it’s called preparation.”

And I have a couple Bible passages to help me in this season of surrender, in addition to Joshua 1:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

– Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 NLT

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

– Isaiah 41:10 NLT

I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

– Psalm 73:22‭-‬26 NLT

I’ll conclude by saying, sometimes, we don’t realize what we’re not doing right until we seek God without reservation. He is the light of the world; therefore, the more we draw closer to Him, the more His light exposes or dark spots. Seek Him, and ask Him to reveal to you that which is holding you back from surrendering your all to Him. Ask Him to reveal it to you, so that you can let it go & start to walk in your purpose, with a heart completely surrendered to that One who wants what’s best for you.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”

– Jeremiah 29:11‭-‬13 NLT

Peace & Love.

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